A year and 4 days ago I received a phone call that put me on the floor and caused me to tell my boss through mascara covered tears, I needed to go home for the rest of the day.
Its amazing how when someone leaves your family the whole world shakes. For the next few days after hearing the devastating news you go through a series of emotions. On this particular day I went from a tragic sob, to pure anger within 20 minutes. Followed by pity and sadness that lasted until I had no more tears to cry. However thanks to my personality of being the faced-strong one in my family I had to pull my shit together and be there for my mom, again.
I think about it now, and although I will miss my uncle Twain and I wish he was still here with us. Most of my emotions had to do with the after effect this was going to have on my already "hanging by a thread" family. We couldn't prepare for this one, this one wasn't one that we had months to say our goodbyes and handle. This was spur of the moment and over before we knew it. It was a year ago last Friday, feels like yesterday.
This last year has changed me more then any year in my life has. It was one for the books, good and bad. After this devastating news I uprooted to be near my family, again. It felt ridicules to be so far away when they were dropping like flies in already small herd of people. I learned that your wants and needs change as you get older, seems simple. It isnt.
Although on most days I want to strangle my mother, with words of course, I cant imagine not being close to her now. Even though Flagstaff, AZ is not my forever city, it is the place that needs me, and I need it for the time being. And even though this job drains me of energy, I have a reason to come to work everyday, because no matter who drives me crazy, I AM making a difference in the world.
Finding a great start to a career path, stumbling into the love of my life at "Target" and being forced to handle the stages of grief for the 2nd time in two years, and expecting my first nephew in August....that can change a girl. But even though I would rather have my missing family at our bad-excuse-for-a-Christmas's, I am glad things have happened to force change.
Like I said, this has been a life changing year. Its been full of the "who woulda thought"'s and tears of pure happiness and sadness. But with age comes wisdom to recognize the things that matter and the things that will not shape you. Learning to distinguish the two is a lesson that I will continue to learn, indefinitely.
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