A claustrophobic life.

Once again my need to constantly be working on a goal has risen up to haunt me.

I am fully aware that my job requires me to have many goals and milestones. However regardless at the end of the day I am still working here and doing what I do. The rewards are to far fetched and the successes are "Feel Good" but not completly satisfying. I know I am making a difference in the big picture. I know that my hours at work does actually paid off and its because of my hard work that we have raised so much in the fight against cancer. Shouldn't that be enough? I am not working for a promotion because there is no where to go. I am not looking for a raise because those don't exist in today's world. What now?

I feel like I am stuck between a rock and a hard place. However in my life it would be stuck between Student Loans and Bills. I work all the time and I still dread paycheck day. Shouldn't pay day be a good day? For me it means that before my day is over my bills will be automatically deducted and I will once again be broke. What happened to the day of taking out the loans to live on in college and go shopping for "Going Out" clothes? Oh that's right-- they abandoned me, along with sleeping until noon and dreaming of being a "Big Kid" with less money troubles. Geez was I naive.

Living with my mother- although easy and cheap, not so fun. Its not very easy to mold back into someone elses home when you have had a taste of building your own. Her ideas of cleaning, organizing and decorating are not in sync with mine. Not to mention no matter how hard I try to get Avery Jo to eat his own- Healthy.Expensive.Organic food he still would rather shove the other dogs "Mystery" dog food down his--used to be smaller-- body.

Wikipedia describes being Claustrophobic as, "the fear of having no escape and being closed in small spaces or rooms.Also--Fear of restriction and suffocation". Hmm Yes I think this pretty much describes my current state. I need a new goal...something that is low cost and high in satisfaction. When you find it let me know...hopefully by then I wont have resorted to knitting or hording cats!

Big Ideas for something sweet!

This last weekend my "little" cousin graduated from High School. In my attempts to be overly domestic I chose to make homemade cupcakes and frosting for her graduation party. I found inspiration from the trendy Cupcake shop in Lake Havasu, AZ that likes to add to my daily calorie intake on visits. SO with big intentions of the perfect modern cupcake I chose, butter cream frosting in different colors.

My first hurdle with this was realizing that I did not just want blue cupcakes- her school color. However my selection at the local Walmart was not cooperating with my color scheme. "Sky Blue" and "Orange" would do.

Second hurdle.... I decided to make the frosting the day before her party. I was looking like a Martha Stewart clone with my powder sugar all over the counter and frosting in my hair. Per the directions I was to cover tightly and refrigerate until using. Done. However I dont think the recipe called for my kitchen to be 90 + degrees the next day while frosting. My impatience grew while waiting for the frosting to hit room temperature and only decreased when I attempted to frost with professional abilities- one cupcake at a time. Besides me cursing at my mother every time she walked in the kitchen to offer her advice. I was handling this speed bump with grace.

Third hurdle... The writing.... I decided to be simple and modern with just a decedent "C" on each cupcake. Little did I know that the writing gel had a personal vendetta against me and wasn't going to cooperate.

Lastly... Like I said 90+ degrees (small exaggeration) allowed for the frosting to melt...into each other, the plate, the hands of everyone who ate them etc.

However I have to say...although a tad on the sweet side, I liked em!

Although this seems to be a pattern with me - big ideas for crafts that don't turn out how I picture it. I will continue to force myself to be as domestic as possible in the kitchen. After all...practice makes perfect, Right?

A day of lazyness

So much going on, so much to do, and instead of taking my day off to be productive in my personal life, I am choosing to do the opposite through Netflix, Hulu and the Internet.

I must admit that I did set my alarm this morning, but once again I did not have a choice- the corollas legal status was expired and I had to take the time I did have to waste a few hours at the MVD of Flagstaff.

Responsibility aside, I am now snuggled into my comfy bed with Av Joe and Joe ( my adopted son/J's dog). With my recent Netflix show addiction playing episodes on repeat- "The Gates" will be keeping me entertained in drama. The perfect stressed life remedy, unrealistic vampire-werewolf issues that do not relate to my life.

Besides the crazy wind outside that is keeping the love of my life a few hours away saving lives and fighting a fire, its a relaxing day. Yes I would rather him be being lazy with me instead of inhaling smoke and battling hundreds of acres of life threatening flames. However I know he is also getting his adrenaline rush of keeping busy and doing what he loves. See? I can be reasonable!

My relaxing day will be spoiled when I wake up tomorrow and have to rush into work and then drive to another community and work even harder. But today I refuse to think of it and am planning on ignoring all work related calls....wish me luck.