A year and 4 days ago I received a phone call that put me on the floor and caused me to tell my boss through mascara covered tears, I needed to go home for the rest of the day.
Its amazing how when someone leaves your family the whole world shakes. For the next few days after hearing the devastating news you go through a series of emotions. On this particular day I went from a tragic sob, to pure anger within 20 minutes. Followed by pity and sadness that lasted until I had no more tears to cry. However thanks to my personality of being the faced-strong one in my family I had to pull my shit together and be there for my mom, again.
I think about it now, and although I will miss my uncle Twain and I wish he was still here with us. Most of my emotions had to do with the after effect this was going to have on my already "hanging by a thread" family. We couldn't prepare for this one, this one wasn't one that we had months to say our goodbyes and handle. This was spur of the moment and over before we knew it. It was a year ago last Friday, feels like yesterday.
This last year has changed me more then any year in my life has. It was one for the books, good and bad. After this devastating news I uprooted to be near my family, again. It felt ridicules to be so far away when they were dropping like flies in already small herd of people. I learned that your wants and needs change as you get older, seems simple. It isnt.
Although on most days I want to strangle my mother, with words of course, I cant imagine not being close to her now. Even though Flagstaff, AZ is not my forever city, it is the place that needs me, and I need it for the time being. And even though this job drains me of energy, I have a reason to come to work everyday, because no matter who drives me crazy, I AM making a difference in the world.
Finding a great start to a career path, stumbling into the love of my life at "Target" and being forced to handle the stages of grief for the 2nd time in two years, and expecting my first nephew in August....that can change a girl. But even though I would rather have my missing family at our bad-excuse-for-a-Christmas's, I am glad things have happened to force change.
Like I said, this has been a life changing year. Its been full of the "who woulda thought"'s and tears of pure happiness and sadness. But with age comes wisdom to recognize the things that matter and the things that will not shape you. Learning to distinguish the two is a lesson that I will continue to learn, indefinitely.
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
Wednesday, May 11, 2011
A "trending" life
Life is full of in's and out's. If you really think about it everything in your life has its trendy-time . Whether its a current obsession, a clothing trend, friends, jobs, money. Everything has a shelf life, however its the things that matter that are restocked because of their value and worth.
Lets start with the first one, current obsession. I have had times when I am OBSESSED with Apple Juice for a few months and drink it like water and then I get sick of it and move on. I have times in my life where I eat healthy and want to be active all the time (yes this is few and far between), I have those weeks where there is nothing in the world that can keep me out of my bed and comfy clothes, and others that I am itching to get out of my own skin and DO SOMETHING.
The piece of fabric that I put on my body is half style half love. I will be the first one to admit either I can take it to far or I am wearing something that went out of style in 2002. Doesnt matter to me. However a clothing style has its "in's and out's" something in the 80's can come back in like the old fashion Ray Bans, or neon colors. Eventually it will be "lame" again and bell bottoms and large hippy flowers will be forced on us through Cosmo and Vogue magazines.
Friends, as harsh as it sounds, there are friends that have their shelf life, and some that dont. There are your friends that you meet in a class, at work, in your yoga class. They might know your day-to-day life for their 6 months of daily interaction, but they drop like flies when its over. Then there are the people in your life that come in and out as they please, or you please. For this blogs sake I will call them, "convenience" friends. The friend that calls with fake interest on a Friday night and just so happens to slip, " know of anything going on tonight", into the conversation. The convinance friend is also great for needing things and never giving things. Yes they might call you crying to handle their problems, however their busy life can never seem to handle your problems. Lastly are the best kind, the first bite of something delish friend. Forever friends, these are the ones that know you "in and out", the ones that call you on your issues and still accept you. The one that will drop their life to handle your "I cut my hair to short" sobbing phone calls. These are the friends that you work to stay in touch with and work to value, because without them, something is missing.
Jobs is easy. Something that your life revolves around and when you have received everything out of it you can, you move on. This is a one sided relationship. But im ok with that.
Money is also easy, sometimes you have it (in) and sometimes you dont (out). Spend it and its gone, work for it and its there.
No matter what its learning what things can be restocked to be used again, and the ones that can be thrown away and just hold memories. I for one am ok with staying away from Apple Juice for a while but would be lost without my forever friends and big sunglasses :)
Lets start with the first one, current obsession. I have had times when I am OBSESSED with Apple Juice for a few months and drink it like water and then I get sick of it and move on. I have times in my life where I eat healthy and want to be active all the time (yes this is few and far between), I have those weeks where there is nothing in the world that can keep me out of my bed and comfy clothes, and others that I am itching to get out of my own skin and DO SOMETHING.
The piece of fabric that I put on my body is half style half love. I will be the first one to admit either I can take it to far or I am wearing something that went out of style in 2002. Doesnt matter to me. However a clothing style has its "in's and out's" something in the 80's can come back in like the old fashion Ray Bans, or neon colors. Eventually it will be "lame" again and bell bottoms and large hippy flowers will be forced on us through Cosmo and Vogue magazines.
Friends, as harsh as it sounds, there are friends that have their shelf life, and some that dont. There are your friends that you meet in a class, at work, in your yoga class. They might know your day-to-day life for their 6 months of daily interaction, but they drop like flies when its over. Then there are the people in your life that come in and out as they please, or you please. For this blogs sake I will call them, "convenience" friends. The friend that calls with fake interest on a Friday night and just so happens to slip, " know of anything going on tonight", into the conversation. The convinance friend is also great for needing things and never giving things. Yes they might call you crying to handle their problems, however their busy life can never seem to handle your problems. Lastly are the best kind, the first bite of something delish friend. Forever friends, these are the ones that know you "in and out", the ones that call you on your issues and still accept you. The one that will drop their life to handle your "I cut my hair to short" sobbing phone calls. These are the friends that you work to stay in touch with and work to value, because without them, something is missing.
Jobs is easy. Something that your life revolves around and when you have received everything out of it you can, you move on. This is a one sided relationship. But im ok with that.
Money is also easy, sometimes you have it (in) and sometimes you dont (out). Spend it and its gone, work for it and its there.
No matter what its learning what things can be restocked to be used again, and the ones that can be thrown away and just hold memories. I for one am ok with staying away from Apple Juice for a while but would be lost without my forever friends and big sunglasses :)
Tuesday, May 3, 2011
My fortune Cookie
On a well-attempted dinner date with J. my fortune cookie told me something close to, "There will big and happy changes in your future". Of course, I had the intentions of keeping this slim/cheap slip of paper and posting it somewhere to give me motivation on a dreary day. It got as far as being cleaned out of my purse, and I think it might have ended up in the trash bin- by accident of course.
However I have just received another fortune cookie, this one states " Even the longest of days will come to an end" Hmmm. It seems the Chinese gods are playing tricks with me.
So let me get this strait corporate china- I will have good changes but the days will be long and end eventually? Thanks. Sounds close to the old "If you work hard you will be rewarded". Thanks but I already knew this tid-bit of information. But I do appreciate you telling me that my lucky numbers are 28,13,19,56,10, and 23. Pretty sure that differs from the last cookie, but whatevs.
Those of you who are questioning my Chinese food intake, this has been a rare occasion of 2 meals in a week. So quit your judging.
The first cookie is the one I believe I will take to heart since it seems close to true. In a few short months my first nephew, Tyler David Kenney will be born. To say I am excited does not describe me accurately. Besides from the purchase of every "My aunt loves me" Onesey/bib/shirt (girls clothes not excluded). And the mention of him at every baby conversation I fit it into too, I am pretty normal. EEEKKK Ok I am not, I CANNOT wait to meet him!!
There are changes that will go unmentioned however, it is also my busy season at work. Working 60 + hours at work might be ok for those who see an hourly wage on their paycheck. But for those of us who went to college to end up in debt, "Salary" doesn't look so good when you are driving on the highway at 11:30pm.
I hope my next cookie tells me "You will be rich in a matter of days, eventually end up with a gorgeous happy family and life will be easy."
Im sure thats what it will say.....
However I have just received another fortune cookie, this one states " Even the longest of days will come to an end" Hmmm. It seems the Chinese gods are playing tricks with me.
So let me get this strait corporate china- I will have good changes but the days will be long and end eventually? Thanks. Sounds close to the old "If you work hard you will be rewarded". Thanks but I already knew this tid-bit of information. But I do appreciate you telling me that my lucky numbers are 28,13,19,56,10, and 23. Pretty sure that differs from the last cookie, but whatevs.
Those of you who are questioning my Chinese food intake, this has been a rare occasion of 2 meals in a week. So quit your judging.
The first cookie is the one I believe I will take to heart since it seems close to true. In a few short months my first nephew, Tyler David Kenney will be born. To say I am excited does not describe me accurately. Besides from the purchase of every "My aunt loves me" Onesey/bib/shirt (girls clothes not excluded). And the mention of him at every baby conversation I fit it into too, I am pretty normal. EEEKKK Ok I am not, I CANNOT wait to meet him!!
There are changes that will go unmentioned however, it is also my busy season at work. Working 60 + hours at work might be ok for those who see an hourly wage on their paycheck. But for those of us who went to college to end up in debt, "Salary" doesn't look so good when you are driving on the highway at 11:30pm.
I hope my next cookie tells me "You will be rich in a matter of days, eventually end up with a gorgeous happy family and life will be easy."
Im sure thats what it will say.....
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
