A claustrophobic life.

Once again my need to constantly be working on a goal has risen up to haunt me.

I am fully aware that my job requires me to have many goals and milestones. However regardless at the end of the day I am still working here and doing what I do. The rewards are to far fetched and the successes are "Feel Good" but not completly satisfying. I know I am making a difference in the big picture. I know that my hours at work does actually paid off and its because of my hard work that we have raised so much in the fight against cancer. Shouldn't that be enough? I am not working for a promotion because there is no where to go. I am not looking for a raise because those don't exist in today's world. What now?

I feel like I am stuck between a rock and a hard place. However in my life it would be stuck between Student Loans and Bills. I work all the time and I still dread paycheck day. Shouldn't pay day be a good day? For me it means that before my day is over my bills will be automatically deducted and I will once again be broke. What happened to the day of taking out the loans to live on in college and go shopping for "Going Out" clothes? Oh that's right-- they abandoned me, along with sleeping until noon and dreaming of being a "Big Kid" with less money troubles. Geez was I naive.

Living with my mother- although easy and cheap, not so fun. Its not very easy to mold back into someone elses home when you have had a taste of building your own. Her ideas of cleaning, organizing and decorating are not in sync with mine. Not to mention no matter how hard I try to get Avery Jo to eat his own- Healthy.Expensive.Organic food he still would rather shove the other dogs "Mystery" dog food down his--used to be smaller-- body.

Wikipedia describes being Claustrophobic as, "the fear of having no escape and being closed in small spaces or rooms.Also--Fear of restriction and suffocation". Hmm Yes I think this pretty much describes my current state. I need a new goal...something that is low cost and high in satisfaction. When you find it let me know...hopefully by then I wont have resorted to knitting or hording cats!