The Life Style Change.

Starting a blog is a scary concept. Lets start with that.

Admitting what is going on in your head, for ANYONE/NO ONE to see....even scarier.

I am titling this..." The Life Style Change" although I technically started the change about six months ago, maybe this "Blogaroo" will help me stay on track.

What I mean by "Life Style Change" is not the cliche, moving to a new city (although heres to hoping) or all the sudden admitting some scandalous secret to the world.

Instead I say this because I am trying to stay on the track of self improvement. Eight months ago I graduated from college. Having no breathtaking job prospects I chose to move back to my home state and back into my childhood house. If the stress of being a recent college grad with no where to go isn't enough...my motivation for being back here had to do with my aunt Celeste.

Sob story, my mothers younger sister Celeste battled cancer for two years. Second time around she was unable to continue her tug-of-war struggle. Motivation to come back to this state was simple, help the best aunt I could ever ask for. Along with the family that was crumbling around her.For four months I chose to drop the dream job search and help in anyway I could. The sadness and sorrows engulfed my family and all those around me. Watching her literally leave us slowly was the hardest thing I have ever witnessed. Along this time I have never been happier with my decision to return home. Letting go of a few months of my life was beyond simple and small compared to what she was loosing...life. My erratic/fabulous/life loving aunt passed away Easter Sunday 2009.

I am still here in this hometown I was so desperate to leave after high school graduation. Still searching for that job that offers what I need,in the location that is no where near my current residence, yet getting to the point of desperation no college graduate wants to admit to.

About a month before we lost Celeste I decided to try and find the "healthier me". That is where this blog begins. This is also where I admit the things that no one says out loud and I swallow my pride for this so called " Life Style Change".This already seems like a horrible idea.

Hear it goes.
For the majority of my life I have been far from happy with my self, mind and body (but mostly body).I have fought with the typical "diets" and chose to many hours of sitting on my ass rather then any sort of physical activity. However in the back of my head I always knew that once I convinced myself that I could do better at this thing called, " Health" I would be happy, I would be confident and I would be able to continue life in the way I wanted.However finding the motivation for this was not as simple. After gaining the freshman 15 and then some I could see that this body of mine was not going to magically turn thin and I was not going to magically stop loving chocolate. I had to do it myself. FUN!?

A family friend convinced me to change the way I eat. Basically telling me I eat EVERYTHING bad and nothing good. Fabulous. So I have cut out dairy and wheat. I do have an allergy to dairy I just have never given in to not eating ice cream or cheese.ugh. I do now.

She also convinced me that while I might be eating healthier nothing is going to happen when I am still sitting in front of the t.v watching movies. I began to go on walks, do what she calls " isolation's" and I was actually enjoying myself. However after a few months of this, and no results I became discouraged and was pissed I had yet to have a super model body ( OK maybe not "supermodel" but something like it) HA. Slowly but surly I let myself eat crap a little too much again and now I am at this awkward place in the middle. I still TRY and eat the healthy, expensive food but find myself distracted by the chocolate donuts a few to many times.

This is my "body/ Life style change". For the mental part I have chosen to let the loud, aggressive honest Chelsea take a few steps back. Allowing for the thought keeping me who says nice things, to shine through. This part I am having trouble with. I choose to currently blame this on the depression from lack of employment, money and love. Will be working harder on this.

For now all I can do is introduce you (whoever you might be) to what I mean by "Life Style Change". Hoping to keep this going as to show myself there is no backing out from finding the "healthier me".