Attempting the practice of POSITIVE thinking....

I have noticed that at times I can seem negative...like the majority of my time I focus on what can go wrong. I believe this is partly true...

In my head both the positive and negative are present. They both voice their opinions and are over thought in detail. However, the negative slips out of my mouth for multiple reasons which are not always to be the pessimistic person in the room. I believe these are voiced more often so I can be reassured the negative will not happen.Which is selfish. Also, because if I am aware of all the things that can go wrong, I will not be disappointed when they do.

In no way is this "healthy" and a correct way of thinking, I am aware of that.

That being said I have decided that today I will do a "What I do not like" and "What I love" list in their simplest form. Guess who gets to read it?

To start with the negative and end on a positive note....

What I do not like

Slow technology on a hectic day

Slow days

Large amounts of snow when I have places to go

Peas

Black Licorice

Socks with sandals

Dis-loyalty

Waiting until the last minute

People playing with my toes

3. Certain words

Close minded-ness

Small spaces

Meatloaf

Wearing an outfit I do not feel comfortable in

Changing plans

Putting Laundry away

Forced conversation

WHAT I LOVE

Holding hands

Inspirational moments

A new journal

Homemade gifts

Chocolate

Comfy beds

Things that make me think

Walks in deep thought

Personal meaning

Randomness

Obscene laughter

Big Sunglasses

Kissing

Travel

Memories

Attempting to master the kitchen

Mascara

Talking about the ones I love

Organizing

Someone "tickling" my back

Movies

Two-stepping

Wearing something that makes me feel beautiful

Big hair

Finding security and comfort in a pet

"Just thinking of you"'s

Inside jokes

Reaching a goal

Being so busy I'm stressed

My mom

Someone playing with my hair

....See even in that random 5 minutes I proved that I think more positive...I just need to work on portraying it more.

What do you love?

Thank you mom and dad...

Now that you have read the title of this blog let me assure you, this is completely sarcastic.

Although I am thankful for the things that I am about to complain about, it doesn't mean they couldn't have thrown me up a yield sign every now and then.

Thank you mom and dad....

Without you I wouldn't have made it to college. Not like the option to do anything else after high school was ever there. But never the less my appreciation for the constant drilling of "must receive your education" is still solid. Not only did I attend college I managed to move out of state to do so. helping increase the semesterly bursar bill that haunted me until paid but also allowing me to have no other option but to work and attend school full time. (Ya ya ya....this instilled a good work ethic and responsibility). However I would have been just fine working a few nights and increasing my under/over age alcohol intake. Not saying that I didnt find my time to partake in the traditional Connors backroading or Stillwater "Strip". But the college experience could have been prolonged with skipped classes, sleeping in and the occasional all nighter. Instead the big kid in me was screaming, " get out, MAKE MONEY". Right. So thank you mom and dad for the support and encouragement to end my lazy undergraduate career in 3 1/2years.

Thank you mom and dad for always treating me like the mature child that can handle responsibility. Because of the constant after school activity, jobs and organizations I have been shoved into since the age of 5, I am now unable to be content in life unless I am stressed to the point of breakdown. If the OCD in me doesn't have her "To-Do" list and full calender I cant seem to break a smile. But thank goodness I was able to juggle 4-H, FFA, 2 jobs, clubs in school, friends, family, and worrying about my future. Without that, I might be able to function on a minimal level....who wants relaxation anyway?

Not to be dramatic but the divorce at the age of 14 helped me in my future relationships. So thank you for instilling in me the constant over analyzing of such relationships with friends or possible heart breakers. I am now able to consider the option of insecurity and vulnerability. Not only does this set these "commitments" up for possible failure but it makes sure that I think every detail needs to be spoken outloud and accompanied by mascara covered Kleenex. Gracias.

Also. Thank you mom and dad for allowing me to have things I wanted without the spoiling aspect. Because of your strong will, I am now able to not only sometimes make purchases but also want to make more. Having the knowledge of nice things, style and comfort not only makes me want to have those things but it can bring out the irresponsible debit card complete with its "consequences later" pin number.

I honestly do appreciate the embossed pieces of paper that are currently hanging in my office.Which are at the job that shuts out the possibility of seeing my boyfriend more then once a week. However spending more then half the paycheck from this job on the 3 1/2 years of "hard work in school" makes it difficult to convey my deep appreciation for the values you instilled in me.

So thank you for making me a hard-working,over-thinking,stressed mess of a 24 year old. I really do appreciate it.

Wish You Well

I am having a day of remembrance. I am not sad or depressed rather, I am cherishing moments. This felt like something to share since the following song, currently plays in my office and my lack of motivation for work has me blogging.....:)

A few months before my favorite aunt in the world lost her battle to cancer, a good family friend took my mom and I for a drive down to Sedona, AZ. If you have driven the windy roads down the switchbacks, you know how beautiful and relaxing this can be. It had been a long few months and mom and I were exhausted and blue with the inner struggles of what was ahead of us. Our friend has always been our "door" to amazing new music and she had a song she wanted us to hear. Before she pressed play she warned my mom, "You are going to cry, Christine, but just listen".

Braced for holding back tears, to keep up the appearance of my strength....I closed my eyes and proceeded to hear this through the backseat speakers.

I, I want to wish you well

I didn’t watch you go

Cause I suppose I don’t know how

I, I will remember you

Not the way you left but how you lived

And what you knew

I, I want to feel your hands

I want to feel your fire burning

Right from where I stand

I’ll find my way

Cause you showed me how
I, I want to know it’s you

When I hear your voice inside my head

Inside my room

I, want to touch the sky

I want to see the stars twinkle

Like they were your eyes

I’ll find my way

You showed me

I’ll find my way

Cause you showed me how

I, I want to smell your scent

I want to breathe the air I did before

Before you left

I, I want to wish you well

The only reason my heart beats

Is cause you showed it how

I’ll find my way

You show me

I’ll find my way

You show me

I’ll find my way

Cause you showed me how

You show me how

You showed me how

By: Katie Herzig

Some people might find this depressing, however every time I listen to it, it reminds me of how much of a support system she was for me. When we spent hours together at chemo or doctors appointments, she never failed to embaress me, by telling everyone who would listen, "This is my neice, she just graduated college with her bacholers, and she did it in 3 1/2 years." At the time my red face showed how that made me feel. Now it makes me smile and reminds me how you never appreciate the small things, until you no longer have them.

Her way of looking at life wasn't exactly a mirror image of mine. However she never failed to comfort me and pick me up when life wasn't perfect.

She had the luck of constantly receiving "Tomato Ends" in her food. Literally. However when something happened that pissed her off, she would call it a "Tomato End".

So latley...I have been having a lot of Tomato End luck at work. Not necessarly my fault but small things that pile onto eachother and cause more work and stress. However, I have various pictures of my aunt throughout my office, a constant reminder of what drove me to take this job. I am going through my long hours, constant struggles and hours on the road, so that I know, I am making a difference. I am fighting back. I am working hard so that fewer and fewer people have to go through what my aunt did. So less families are missing someone that lost their battle. And so that less people have to hear those three scary words, "You Have Cancer".

She gives me incentive to keep going, she is in the back of my head when I say something stupid, and she is patting my back when I make her proud. Even though she is no longer here.

So Far, So Good

A few days before the New Year, the Corolla and I attempted a quick trip down to Phoenix. J. needed to picked up from the airport and I had the luxury of working from home due to inclimate weather. An hour into my trip I was 20 miles outside of Flagstaff and stuck in bumper to bumper traffic in the middle of the blizzard. Apparently the semi ahead of me wasn't aware that one must travel safely in bad weather and decided to jack-knife to make us all enjoy our 7 hour one-on-one time with I-17.

Needless to say Avery, the Corolla and I were not prepared to hangout on the highway in the freezing cold snow. Scared out of my mind I turned my car off to save gas, cleaned off my windows every 30 minutes and charged my phone when the engine was on. Avery had the grueling task of sleeping.

At the end of hour 7 the traffic started to move at the thrilling speed of 10 mph, fine with me. Equipped with my white knuckles, body leaning forward with my eyes on the road and trying not to look at all the cars that had driven into the ditch, I made it to Phoenix in a little over 8 hours. Worst day-time of my life.

Benefit: That evening while tucked safely away at my former UofA Wildcat brothers house, my OSU COWBOYS showed his team what the Alamo bowl is all about.

What a way to end 2010.



2011 on the other hand is decent. The lack of sleep and stress caught up with my New Years eve when I convinced J. to spend the night in....we were asleep at 11:58. (Dont worry I woke up at 12:01 for my first smooch of the New Year.

The only thing exciting in the 4 days of 2011, has been my mothers "29th" birthday. She had a great day and I surprised her with dinner with all her friends and family. I love the feeling of making her happy, seeing her genuine smile is so few and far between. She has proven to me that no matter what happens in your life you can keep your head on strait. Bad luck doesn't always have to make your life horrible.

Here's to 2011...to making other people happy and staying inside during bad snow storms!

Waking up on the right side of Life!

In less then two weeks the new year will begin. 2010 has been packed full of roller coaster adventures. Tears have been shed for relief, happiness and grief.

I started off this year in Hinton, Oklahoma, News Years day I was sobbing over Avery Joe (The fur ball in my life) at the veterinary clinic that stole my bank account. Little did I know that I would be spending the majority of the next 5 months there....but still leaving with my breath of fresh air, Av.

After one failed yet full filling job, I moved BACK to Arizona with nothing but a hope of being closer to family. My Uncle Twain had passed away and it seemed ridicules to be alone in another state while my family struggled to catch their breath.

Two weeks into the unpacking I began my 4 interview process at the American Cancer Society. 5 weeks later I nailed the job and something I wasn't expecting fell into my hands.....Mr. Right.

My scepticism was quickly hushed when I started falling head over heels for my guy and learned a new kind of "Making a difference" with my job. Not only was I blissfully happy, I was content and satisfied. Who woulda thought? After 5 years of saying the last place I would ever find my guy would be in my hometown...there he was. But he had been there all along, all the way from the hallways of my elementary school. Staying in Flagstaff forever, not in the plans...but for now..... I'm ok.

2011 will be more of the same, working at a place that knocks the energy out of me, but gives life meaning. Enjoying the adventures of falling in love and being surrounded by my family to keep my strength going.

With a little patience it can be brilliant.

Today I not only ate bad food, but I found the motivation to get rid of it. Not a complete improvement but its something.

I have discovered that I find inspiration in my creative friends. Life, style, health and all things creative my education taught me. I am not one of those people that can sit down and stir up some great analogies and put them in the correct place in my story. However I AM one that can sit down with a wave of thought, and analyze its grammar and structure later.

I have a friend that is OBSESSED with antiques.She is the master of turning nothing special into something spectacular. Although I am not...I enjoy the browsing, and the discovery of hidden treasures. I even enjoy the revamping of such purchases....if kept to a minimum.

I also have a friend that can throw together a random outfit and rock it in star quality. I am simple and can throw together something decent. But by no means am I a "risk taker" and a "trend starter".

I have a friend that can cook Thai food, another that can whip up something gluten-dairy-wheat free and make it delish, and another that cooks the BEST Texas Sheet Cake EVER. I can cook, I enjoy cooking and most of the time what I create turns out enjoyable. I DO NOT claim to be a Martha Stewart-Betty Crocker hybrid of woman.

I have a friend whose creative writing and design work puts me to shame. She is a natural at making things sounds amazing and look beyond professional. I can write a story... but it will take multiple drafts, I can design a web site/brochure/logo but it will take some time and inspiration. I can catch an amazing photo of perfection in the moment. But that will take 200 + shots of playing with the aperture and focus on my camera.


I can cook amazing healthy food...with motivation. I can exercise and even enjoy it....with motivation. I can not drink a Diet Coke...with STRENGTH.

Point being...I can do a little of everything and with a little patience it can be brilliant.

I have a theory

If you have read the title of the blog then you are aware of today's rant.

I have a theory...

I believe that everything in life stems off of another and eventually comes full circle. Example, I believe that without money I am unable to eat healthy. Without the ability to eat healthy I am having a hard time loosing weight. I am having a hard time loosing weight because I am to damn lazy to stick to a legitimate workout plan. I cant stick to a workout plan because I can find NO motivation in life. I cant find motivation in life due to the constant rejection from every company EVER for employment. I cant find employment because of the economy and my lack of "real world experience". I have no "real world experience" because corporate America is pinching pennies and would rather employ someone with a masters (who woulda thought?). I don't have a masters yet because I have no way of funding the expensive needed piece of paper. And all the sudden were back to how I have no MONEY.

I could take this a step further into my relationships....saying that I believe I haven't found "Happily ever after" because of my weight. The weight that wont come off unless I find motivation, money and the happiness I am searching for. However I honestly am not looking for this yet, it just fits into the equation and can be removed when necessary.

Solution to the theory. SOMEONE hire me, SOMEONE take a chance on me (and be proven right), SOMEONE make it easier for me to complete all the above complaints. Ya, let me throw a penny into that wishing well.


Excuses Excuses. I Know. But honestly the $2.00 box of Top Roman is a lot easier on the unemployed versus the $13.50 box of organic rice pasta and dairy/gluten free sauce......just saying.