Re-miss-ing

The holidays always seem to be a time for reflection for me. I time to take a second and look at the life that I have and how I am living it.


This morning while driving into the paycheck, I was idling behind a classy 80's model Mazda. Only to notice that the spirited couple in the front seats were having a slight disagreement. Well, drama in public demands my attention and the closer I looked the more I noticed the lack of teeth and hygiene this romantic couple had. I was immediately brought back to my years in the OK and decided I definitely had a few things on my list of " I miss" from my time there. Enjoying a 24/7 WT show is definitely on this list.

Also this morning the sister-in-law and I were talking about what we should do for Christmas this year. The "I miss" from this one is being the child behind the scenes, enjoying the festivities and wrapping paper. Being the one organizing, inviting and thinking isn't as fun. I miss the youthful innocents of the holidays. The times of just being SO excited to see the entire family, waking up early because you cant sleep and helping the adults in the kitchen.


and lastly...

Lastly I have been working on my inner-adult. I have gotten by with 24 years of not knowing/caring what a credit score is. Let alone trying to figure out what mine is and how I can improve it. Lucky for me I work with pushy adults that care about me enough to ignore my protests of facing reality. "I miss" ignorance.

While I realize that NO ONE reads/follows my blogs, I also have come to realize that you have to take life in strides.

Its hard not to get caught up in the hub-bub of what other people are doing and not compare it to your own life. Like an amazingly-talented friend of mine that just landed a great job, and when she told me about it she told me she heard a dirty rumor that "Big Kid" job # 2 is all the rage. Wonderful for her, whom just so happens to be on # 2. Super earth shattering for still on #1 Chelsea. However in this situation she deserves that fantastic job so I can calm the green monster of jealousy.

At what point in your life do you decide to make it you own? To literally take a deep breath, figure out what brings you happiness and run with it. Everyone has their path written for them to a certain point. School, big kid school, big kid job.......then.... People discover their own paths starting here. Not that what comes next is the beginning to an end, but at this point you are free get creative (or not). Meeting the love of your life, multiplying into little you and them's, focusing on just your career, begging a bank to give you enough money to buy that house that you can make your own...or not.

I'm there. I'm at the point of creativity. But I am unsure that I need to make any drastic changes at this moment. I have a job...always an area that can be improved. I am healthy (for the most part). I am in a mushy-gushy relationship that still gives me butterflies. I have a strong support system of friends and family. Is living in the moment and breathing in bliss-making life your own?

Why do I have to live by a book and do what expected? Wouldn't it be amazing if everyday you got to choose what you would do. (I understand that in some ways you do, like where you work & who you see). But I mean like you wake up and you decide..."Hmm maybe Ill fly to Paris and visit Mr. Eiffel today, followed by a quick jump in the Atlantic and a romantic dinner in Greece." Grand scale, yes I realize, but wow just the thought.

Making your life, your life might seem simple. But I don't believe you can begin to do that until you grasp your sense of self. Impossible thought at 24, 11 months and 1 day if I do say so myself.

Creating your canvas

At what point in life do you stop evolving and settle into who you are? Is there a day that you just stop growing and changing and have become who you will always be?

The simple answer that most people will say is, " You never stop changing and growing".

Well yes, I realize that my hatred of meatloaf might one day turn into a pure obsession. However I don't think this shapes me. They say that your brain grows the most in the first few months of life. But when does it stop?

I am sure there is a mathematical study backing this up, but I am just over thinking life and not interested in what a study shoves in my face today.

My personal opinion is this, while you are forever changing your core values never will. These are embedded in your heart and soul and will rarely change. However I think that people can will themselves to change or change because they have a mammoth sized change in their life.

For example: I am an outgoing, opinionated person. I am working on holding my tongue more often- i.e......willing myself to change.

Right now, as I type my BFF/mother is on a road trip solo (excluding her Chihuahua Gracie May). Although I hate the thought of her driving up the coast of Oregon by herself, I gotta say, she is pretty ballsy. The strength and courage it takes to not only go alone, but to sit alone in a car with your thoughts.EEK I would be tired of myself when I got 100 miles down the road. Not to mention bored of my IPOD and ready for someone to chit-chat with.

I think this is her "willing change" in her life. She is exploring her options when it comes to starting a new life and taking a different path. But in order to discover what she wants in life now, she must first find who she is. Scary at any age.


When your in a relationship my theory totally backfires. With friends or a "partner" you have to accept them for them. You cannot "Will change" on someone else, they must be steady on their own two feet before they choose to hold your hand for support.

A never ending process it might be....but you must start with a canvas and let life help you create the art that is yourself. My piece of art is left unchanged for long periods of time, but when it evolves, its drastic and beautiful if I might say so myself :)

UpDaTe!

Changes!

A few months ago I would have told you that big changes were in my future...in fact I believe I did. So they have begun. Let me just tell you, the old saying " Nothing ever turns out how you expect it" is true beyond words.

- Minor change but one still the same- My work office moved, newer building complete with more space for Chelsea's crap and a window for her to loose focus out of ! YIPPEE!

- Another change...that is in slow progression. My mom has finally taken the first step in selling her house of 25+ years. SO proud of her, SO once again while living out of boxes and in many locations I had to move those boxes that hold my "house" to another location. YUCK so over moving. However it will be worth it when my mom is having well earned her fresh start.

- Lastly and MOST IMPORTANT! My nephew Mr. Tyler David Kenney was born on August 2nd, 2011 at 11:30ish pm. He decided that he couldn't wait another minute to meet me (OK OK not just me, his wonderful parents too). Apparently he has ADD like his daddy and came 8 days early! All of us hadn't really set into "baby watch" yet since we thought our little guy (little at 6.10lbs) was going to make us wait longer then his due date....either way, HE IS THE CUTEST BABY ON THE PLANET AND THEY MAKE ONE HECK OF A GOOD LOOKIN FAMILY!

So changes are still in progress but boy are they exciting! Embracing change has been a huge pill to swallow in the past, but I think I am getting better at it. One good outcome at a time :)

Teeny Tiny Baby Steps...

My last post stated that I was frustrated with my current motionless life. Everything was at a standstill and I was beginning to get the claustrophobic bug.

To report on progress...a slow moving advance in both the professional and personal life of Chelsea has begun. Instead of having no goal, I have decided to start studying for the GRE. However to my disappointment I learned that for the first time in 20 something years they have changed the Grad School Exam. Wonderful. To make matters worse I will be taking the math part without multiple choice options and will answer just from my knowledge....well there is always a chance Ill do good in the English part!

So I am not saying that Grad School starts in the fall and I am sharpening my #2's. I am just getting prepared. I know that getting my Masters is in my future. However I have ZERO clue what it will be in.

J. Has been being studious and will be starting Paramedic class in September. SO while he shoves his face in a book and attempts to teach me about the human body I might as well bore him with some vocabulary words of my own!

Speaking of J. he is off fighting another fire...this one in New Mexico. I will admit that it is hard for me to see him leave and have no clue when he is coming back. However I know he is learning so much and having a blast. That's all that matters. Right?

Our office is moving...I will have a bigger office and a ...wait for it......WINDOW! HECK YES! So excited! So even though my news isn't anything to write home about....it is something and sometimes that's all you need to get you through the day!

A claustrophobic life.

Once again my need to constantly be working on a goal has risen up to haunt me.

I am fully aware that my job requires me to have many goals and milestones. However regardless at the end of the day I am still working here and doing what I do. The rewards are to far fetched and the successes are "Feel Good" but not completly satisfying. I know I am making a difference in the big picture. I know that my hours at work does actually paid off and its because of my hard work that we have raised so much in the fight against cancer. Shouldn't that be enough? I am not working for a promotion because there is no where to go. I am not looking for a raise because those don't exist in today's world. What now?

I feel like I am stuck between a rock and a hard place. However in my life it would be stuck between Student Loans and Bills. I work all the time and I still dread paycheck day. Shouldn't pay day be a good day? For me it means that before my day is over my bills will be automatically deducted and I will once again be broke. What happened to the day of taking out the loans to live on in college and go shopping for "Going Out" clothes? Oh that's right-- they abandoned me, along with sleeping until noon and dreaming of being a "Big Kid" with less money troubles. Geez was I naive.

Living with my mother- although easy and cheap, not so fun. Its not very easy to mold back into someone elses home when you have had a taste of building your own. Her ideas of cleaning, organizing and decorating are not in sync with mine. Not to mention no matter how hard I try to get Avery Jo to eat his own- Healthy.Expensive.Organic food he still would rather shove the other dogs "Mystery" dog food down his--used to be smaller-- body.

Wikipedia describes being Claustrophobic as, "the fear of having no escape and being closed in small spaces or rooms.Also--Fear of restriction and suffocation". Hmm Yes I think this pretty much describes my current state. I need a new goal...something that is low cost and high in satisfaction. When you find it let me know...hopefully by then I wont have resorted to knitting or hording cats!

Big Ideas for something sweet!

This last weekend my "little" cousin graduated from High School. In my attempts to be overly domestic I chose to make homemade cupcakes and frosting for her graduation party. I found inspiration from the trendy Cupcake shop in Lake Havasu, AZ that likes to add to my daily calorie intake on visits. SO with big intentions of the perfect modern cupcake I chose, butter cream frosting in different colors.

My first hurdle with this was realizing that I did not just want blue cupcakes- her school color. However my selection at the local Walmart was not cooperating with my color scheme. "Sky Blue" and "Orange" would do.

Second hurdle.... I decided to make the frosting the day before her party. I was looking like a Martha Stewart clone with my powder sugar all over the counter and frosting in my hair. Per the directions I was to cover tightly and refrigerate until using. Done. However I dont think the recipe called for my kitchen to be 90 + degrees the next day while frosting. My impatience grew while waiting for the frosting to hit room temperature and only decreased when I attempted to frost with professional abilities- one cupcake at a time. Besides me cursing at my mother every time she walked in the kitchen to offer her advice. I was handling this speed bump with grace.

Third hurdle... The writing.... I decided to be simple and modern with just a decedent "C" on each cupcake. Little did I know that the writing gel had a personal vendetta against me and wasn't going to cooperate.

Lastly... Like I said 90+ degrees (small exaggeration) allowed for the frosting to melt...into each other, the plate, the hands of everyone who ate them etc.

However I have to say...although a tad on the sweet side, I liked em!

Although this seems to be a pattern with me - big ideas for crafts that don't turn out how I picture it. I will continue to force myself to be as domestic as possible in the kitchen. After all...practice makes perfect, Right?